In The Moment
Bathed in light and wrapped in one another’s warmth they lie together on cold winter nights. Like a puzzle piece, her frame fits perfectly into his. His hands caressing her soft skin, rising and falling along the perfect and not so perfect curves of her body. She imagines that his mind is blank — void of even a fourth of the things she is thinking.
Every second is palpable to her — passing slowly and deliberately. The pillows are giant clouds, drifting her dreams upward and away from her wandering mind. Where the sheets gather, she feels a tide pushing the two of them into each other.
She’s living and breathing in the moment. The simple joy of being wrapped in his arms. The pleasure of being desired. Skin to skin. Heartbeat to beat.
Just living in the moment.. slow passing seconds enjoying this thing she wants so badly. She knows she deserves it. She knows she needs it. But she can’t have it — so she’ll just lease it — for the moment.
Chill af. — yeah right.
I used to pride myself on how laid back I could be. It’s a trait that would draw people to me sometimes. Growing up with a mother who freaked out about everything she couldn’t control, I mastered the ancient art of not giving a flying fuck. Until recently that is..
Now I’m the control freak — my mother’s child to a fault. I hate it, frankly. I’ve become the friend who has to know every little detail about our plans for the day/night, the girl who notices and speculates about why she didn’t get texted back, the girl who gets too close too fast, the girl who thinks she’s fat when she clearly isn’t. Yeah.. hate that shit.
It was super easy for me to just chill the fuck out when things were going my way for the most part — and even when they weren’t because majority of life was good. My life doesn’t suck by any means but I’ve lost that ability to just let go sometimes because of a few misplaced pieces of trust.
I’m recovering though. Although Im embarrassed by my behavior sometimes— I do acknowledge that it is out of my nature and undesirable which is very difficult to admit for most people… that means I deserve a fucking cookie.
Sugar, please.
